Whether you’ve been single for years, are newly single, or have recently experienced a number of short-lived relationships, finding Mr. Right can be tricky–and once you think you’ve found him, the next question is how to handle him? Should you let him take the lead, or should you take total charge of your destiny?
Modern logic has it that women have every right to be the aggressor in the dating world. While this makes perfect sense, there are some experts and studies that say we should think twice. This includes relationship expert and author Ronnie Ryan.
“Regardless of what anyone says, the reality is that most men like the chase,” says Ryan. Her sentiments are backed up by a major study published in the European Journal of Personality. The study revealed that men are initially attracted to women with low-availability, while women prefer men with medium-availability. In other words, it may be 2013, but men prefer the somewhat more basic era, particularly when it comes to catching their prey.
If this concept confuses our more transparent and forceful sisters, Ryan offers the following tips to help you better understand exactly what ‘playing hard to get’really entails and how it can benefit you.
1. Never Chase Him, Let Him Initiate
“You can’t take the DNA out of dating,” says Ryan. “When a man is chased by a woman, she can come off as desperate and needy. Historically, men have reported loving the chase. Even though this is 2013, it’s not all that different. Most men like a challenge.”
Women who are patient and have the presence of mind to wait for the right partner tend to be much happier, asserts Ryan.
“It isn’t that you should ever play games, but making it very clear that you have self-respect is key.”
Have you found yourself chasing a man and losing yourself in the process? If you’re reading these words right now, there’s a possibility your pursuits have failed.
2. Don’t Call Him First
When the man you are pining over is interested, he’ll most likely find the gumption to ask for your number and give you a call.“If you were being honest with yourself, it’s likely you wouldn’t want to date a man that doesn’t take initiative to go after what he wants,” suggests Ryan.
And who wants to experience the “he’s not that into you” dating scenario?
“Never take his number,” instructs Ryan. “Give him yours and let him make the first move.”
“In the case that he’s a bit shy, it’s alright to hint once. Give him your number, walk away, and then let him do the calling.”
3. No Marathon Dates at the Beginning
Take your time. Let the relationship momentum grow gradually. Keep the first handful of dates short and sweet. Keep him wanting more — and in all seriousness it will keep you wanting more also.“It’s a common scenario: we women want to spend every waking moment with our love interests. The worse thing you can do is give him the impression you want to monopolize his time,” says Ryan.
Having a life of your own is very important. As your relationship progresses, keep doing the things you love and give him ample of time to spend time with his friends, enjoy his hobbies, and have moments of solitude.
4. Don’t Buy Him Gifts
Giving gifts to a man you barely know isn’t a good idea — plain and simple. “While gifts are a nice gesture, this is a major initiation on your part,” says Ryan. “This can easily scare a man away.”Wait until you have established a relationship before showering him with gifts.
5. Let Your Confidence Shine
There are very few men that don’t like a confident woman. Don’t let your fears creep into the picture. “A confident woman doesn’t work hard to win a man over. She knows how to flirt, be playful, and then move on so he’ll come running after her.”If you find yourself lacking confidence, you should seriously consider doing some personal work before getting into a relationship. Low self-esteem may very well lead you away from the possibility of finding the mate you’ve always dreamed of and into a stressful situation.
“In the end, the art of playing hard to get should be very subtle,” says Ryan. “Be yourself, be warm, and kind — but just leave the initiating to him.”
Simply put, there is a major difference between playing hard to get and game playing.
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